How do you handle rejection?
Dear Internet,
How do you handle rejection? It's been a few months since I first applied for my then university's graduate program that would've extended my time there for another 2-4 years. In the grand scheme of things, it is only a minor hurdle, but it did feel like I let myself down when it happened.
I've been coping by rationalizing (or, on bad days, I describe this as doing mental gymnastics) the outcome. Selected examples of these thoughts are:
Perhaps the interviewers didn't have a great day?
Perhaps…they were prioritizing working adults who had more to lose than someone who was still doing their undergraduate.
Or...maybe the marketing agent handling my application gave me the wrong information, and I had applied for the course despite not fully completing my degree just yet at the time.
All the points could be true, but I think what scares me most with these thoughts is that they always lead the thoughts towards this:
That, perhaps, I was just not good enough.
I didn't have what it takes.
I didn't have the personality for it.
Another way I've been processing this, which is something that I think helps better than ruminating on the “whys” of the rejection, is to focus on what I have gained since the failure.
- I've been able to work a lot more hours now that I'm not at university juggling both work and classes. The money gives extra security if I did continue applying for graduate school to cover for the tuition fees and living costs.
- I've been able to spend more time with my partner.
- I've been able to exercise more regularly.
- I was able to take a break after completing my degree, which I wouldn't have been able to if I was accepted. Essentially going through university and graduate school almost back-to-back, with no breaks.
- I got to spend time at home with family much more than I've done in the past 3 years. Home-cooked food is the best.
- I got to spend a lot of time on personal projects, watch the movies/shows, and read the books I like.
And yet, though less frequent nowadays, I still think about the moment I received that one e-mail from the course coordinator.